PM – Eve of the Final Day As I climb into bed on the night of the last moments of the fast, I feel a strange sense of sadness. Shouldn’t I feel accomplished? Shouldn’t I feel relieved? I do look forward to the hot tea and lemon tomorrow, to my break fast of special strawberries […]
Again last night, I dreamt I broke the fast. Not so many specific details made it back with me past the consciousness checkpoint, but the gist is there. I might be ready for food. Disappointingly (but understandably) I’ve learned that the stepping out process should actually be longer than the stepping down was — that I should have just juices for the first day or two, and just fruit + juices + miso soup for the next few days, then introducing raw vegetables.
Closing in on the end! Video blog tells the story. In case the video isn’t your thing: Last night I dreamt that I broke the fast. I dreamt that I was with all my Artmonks and folks who have attended Artmonk Retreats and we were having a party at Phoebe and Nathan’s house. I was walking along the buffet of items brought in potluck and someone I didn’t know pointed out this pastry that she had made (maybe she was Italian?) — filo dough wrapped around brie or some such irresistible cheese. It was a flaky, oily, delicious mess…
In the last few days I have had three different people say to me, “Betsy, I’m worried about you. I think you should be drinking more beer.” “Are you drinking enough beer?” “Can I bring you another beer? Shouldn’t you be drinking more?” I will savor those moments for as long as I can remember them. Unfortunately, alcohol consumption hinders the formation of memory cells…
I’m achieved double digits! One video blog at a time… [Fasts have long been a part of contemplative tradition. Monastics abstain from food to achieve greater clarity, embodiment, and spiritual vision. They change your physical reality, which in turn affects your emotional and spiritual realities. Indeed, the whole reason we do them is to bring […]
Wow. I’ve gone a week without ingesting any food. I told that to my friend Francesca’s goddaughter. She blinked and said, “How come you’re not dead?” And there we are, back at the point. There is a lot about this fast that is about death. About showing me and my body that I can face things like hunger, discipline, and letting go.
Last night during my Vigils midnight sit, I tried out a death meditation. After a moment of settling in, I started with a vipassana-style body scan, paying attention only to my skin and the specific sensations that I could notice on each square inch of my body.
I’ve emerged enough to be able to type again. In the middle of the dark moment there, I muttered aloud, why am i doing this? Speaking aloud to yourself really helps. Or at least it helps me: I heard the question as though some else was asking. Why AM I doing this? Let’s check in with the intentions.